Johnny Otis and Etta James - The Soundtrack of my Life

This week two icons passed away within days of each other. Johnny Otis and Etta James...As they play their music on KPFA, I find myself sobbing. I always adored "With Every Beat of My Heart". My preference was for the version by the Royals. I didn't know Otis wrote it! This morning I heard the story of why.
Johnny was one of those people who just kept going. Present and steady, yet ever-changing. A truly unique man who was not afraid to walk his talk or step out of the box.

I only saw him  once in person in Santa Rosa playing with his family members. I was confused! He looked White! I thought he was Black! His kids were clearly of mixed race. It didn't matter, of course, it's just that after years of hearing a voice...and making an assumption, I was surprised. But then, that was the nature of the man. He encouraged you to look at your assumptions, change your attitudes. It was empowering.

Who would expect a band leader, musician - a guy who hung out in nightclubs and bars to make a living, etc...to be an organic farmer and cook?

Or to be such a family man? The fact that he performed with his children and grand-children was a testament to his success as a parent. I could hear his love for humanity in his voice on the radio. He will be missed.

Etta James..Otis discovered her - died 2 days after him. She sang another one of those songs from my childhood that affected my ideas about love - "At Last". I didn't know much about her except that I liked her music. We didn't get all the details about people lives like we do today.

Listening to their music in the last couple of days, I realize how much it affected me. I have always found it interesting that people get imprinted with the music that is popular when their sex hormones kick in. Somehow, that becomes the 'soundtrack' of love, sex and intimacy. And it was no different for me.

No matter how old and senile someone gets, they still know all the words to those songs. It's amazing really. They become embedded at a deep level in our hearts and souls.

The fact that these two died within days of each other, he at 90, she at 73, shows that their souls were connected. I can see Johnny leading the band, while Etta stands at the mike in the great nightclub in the sky. Keep singing....

Unlocking the Pyramid Code: Ancient Egypt as a Model for Empowerment

We have been viewing this series at Songbird since November 27. Two session remain - one January 8th and the final one on January 15th. Livestream interviews between Dr. Carmen Boulter and experts on some aspect of ancient Egyptian language, culture, art, technology, etc. An amazing series.

I first became interested in the ancient Egyptians (in this lifetime) when I saw a movie called "Land of the Pharaohs" at the drive-in with my parents. I must have been around 5 or 6 years old - whenever that film came out and it resonated with me. Coupled with my visits to museums, it rekindled past life memories. I was hooked.

I finally got to go to Egypt in 1997 with one of my Sufi teachers. I am so grateful that I went in this way, since we went in reverence, praying in each temple and seeking the roots of Sufism. I had many amazing experiences in the temples, especially Dendera, Philae and in the Great Pyramid.

Since that trip, I have had more past -life recall about my role there...at least in a few lifetimes. So this series has been especially significant to me.

Visit my blogs on herbalism, astrology and the Maya to see what else I'm into.


I recommend this Evolver Intensives series and although there are only a couple of session remaining, you can purchase them by clicking here.

Here's what the Evolver Intensive website says about Christopher Dunn and his work:

"Did the ancient Egyptians use an energy technology more advanced than our own? After learning of the Great Pyramid's precision and design characteristics, Christopher Dunn proposed that this edifice may have had an original purpose that differed from conventional opinion. Further research led Chris to conclude that it was originally built to provide a highly technical society with energy -- in short, it was a very large machine. Discovering the purpose of this machine and documenting his case took the better part of twenty years of research, culminating in the 1998 publication of Chris’s book, The Giza Power Plant: Technologies of Ancient Egypt, which describes a holistic energy device that is harmonically coupled with the Earth and its inhabitants.

Chris is also author of Lost Technologies of Ancient Egypt: Advanced Engineering in the Temples of the Pharaohs. His work has been referenced and quoted in books such as Graham Hancock's Fingerprints of the Gods, Colin Wilson's From Atlantis to the Sphinx, and Joseph P. Farrell's Giza Death Star Trilogy. He has appeared on PAX Television, the Travel Channel, Discovery Channel, The Learning Channel, Lifetime Television and most recently on the History Channel in the Ancient Alien episode ‘The Evidence’.

n this session, Carmen and Chris will discuss:

• Concrete evidence of high level technology in ancient Egypt
• Mechanics of how the Great Pyramid could have functioned as a power plant for free energy
• Lost technologies of ancient Egypt
• News behind Gantenbrink’s door in the shaft inside the Great Pyramid"

Then on January 15th William Henry!
Again from the website:

"William Henry brought to the world’s attention a truly amazing discovery: the symbolism used by the ancient Egyptians to depict their gods traveling the stars matches illustrations used by modern science to symbolize stargate and wormholes. Stargates or wormholes are cosmic gateways that theoretically link regions of the universe millions of light years apart and allow nearly instantaneous communication between these regions. Could the abilities of the ancient Egyptians be pointing us toward the innovations of tomorrow?

William Henry is an author, investigative mythologist, host of Revelations radio, and guide into the transformative power of art and symbols of human ascension. He has been documenting humanity’s awakening to its spiritual magnificence for over 20 years. Inspired by the great accomplishments of antiquity, William brings the evidence of our divinity. By bringing to life the stories of ascension through art, he teaches the secrets of soul transfiguration or metamorphosis and connects people to one another across cultures, time and space. William is currently co-authoring a video book with our host, Dr Carmen Boulter.

In this session, Carmen and William will discuss:

• The science of stargates and the evidence in temples of a superior science
• The transformative power of symbols in ancient Egypt
• The secrets of light body activation
• Decoding the cosmic storyboard at Temple of Hathor at Dendera"

My Thoughts on the Occupy Movement

The other day on KPFA I finally heard someone speak the truth. He said that for Blacks in the South (and elsewhere in this country), the American Dream has always been the American Nightmare. He said that the only reason we are having all these "Occupies" is because White people are finally having their dreams smashed. White youth can't get jobs despite their college degrees. They have big student loans they can't pay. They believe that their dreams will not come true. People of color have always been in this boat...and no one cared. According to this guy, the people in the streets are upset because they will not become rich like the 1%. Feeling entitled, they are angry because it will not happen.

Although I an not officially a woman of color, I too, have felt outside the restaurant looking in because I am 'not white enough.' Coming from a bilingual, bi cultural southern European family, and looking 'ethnic' has put me in a no-man's-land of not being a minority and thus eligible for special programs, but being treated like one in many ways. I have not gotten jobs I was qualified for because they had to hire a minority despite the fact that the person was not at all qualified. I once dated a man for a short time, who broke it off because I was 'too ethnic looking' and he could not completely accept me.

For me the dream has been the American Fantasy. I am educated. I have a Masters degree, nearly 2, in fact, and worked on a doctorate. I have certificates, credentials and a lot of training. I have not gotten jobs because I was 'overqualified'. On the other hand, since a couple of my degrees were at State Universities rather than private or Ivy-league schools, I have been considered 'not as smart' as others. I worked my way through college and finished my masters with no debt. But this is what 'working class' people do....not the rich. I have been looked-down on for that. My academic advisor in my doctoral program said I did not have my 'priorities straight' when I told her I had to work full-time rather than working on my dissertation. She did not understand that there were no parents or spouse supporting me.

I have basically been 'under-employed' for 22 years. While I may have been working, I was a seasonal, temporary, or part-time person at California Department of Parks and Recreation for 7 years, at the U.S.
Postal Service for 7 years.....Thus, no benefits, no retirement, no medical...no security. When I got hit by a truck and could no longer deliver mail, they terminated me. I was often the second choice at a interview. But since there was only one position, second was not good enough.

Capitalism has always been a system where a few people make money off the backs of others...slaves or low-wage earners. Globalization is not new either. Capitalists have always sought the cheapest source of
goods, the lowest labor costs....the ever-growing market. It doesn't mean it's right. Every so often, the folks rebel. Things change a little, but because the capitalists control the sources of all things the folks need...protests don't last long or are squashed. In the past, the protesters were simply killed. End of protest. Capitalists shrugged their shoulders and carried on.

I have been listening to the radio which has been covering all the 'Occupy' events. Many people speak about how great it is that 'people are working together, feeding each other, taking care of medical and housing needs'. Well, we'll see how long this lasts. The diversity that exists in this culture means that we do not share the same values. In fact, this is the area where there the most diversity. Sharing and giving only works over time, when people have integrity. If they eat for free, they do something in return - child care, cleaning, helping out in some way. But in this country, few people have integrity.

Individuals need to examine themselves. Could they function without their iPads, cars, expensive bikes, Whole Foods....? Living in the land of privilege and entitlement...it is a 'lark' to protest - be out there in the streets with the homeless. Just like most of the 'hippies' that arrived in San Francisco during the Summer of Love, they had their trust funds behind them. They had their safety net. They could just cut their hair, take a bath, change clothes and go home. My friends and I, coming from working class backgrounds, knew that if we quit our jobs at the car wash and hitchhiked to SF we would probably die in the street. No one would/could rescue us.

Now, many of those 'hippies' are wealthy entrepreneurs, business owners etc. They used their parents' money and property to build organic farms, herb schools, healing centers, and other types of 'alternative'
businesses. Fine. Good use of the money. Better than other choices. But make no mistake. They came from people with money. They were not working class or poor. Today they are famous and well-off. They still
run things. Now they use 'interns' to do the work free. It is not called slavery anymore because they volunteer for it.

How many of the people in the streets today HAVE to be there because they have no other choice? How about taking the homeless home? Rather than playing at being homeless....true caring would be to bring them
home. Have them live with you in your house - FREE. See how long that would last. Hanging out with the homeless in the street for awhile is one thing, but truly helping them by giving them your bed is another.

Examine your conscience. What is the TRUTH? Are you really living hand-to-mouth? Why? Don't get me wrong...I know the 1% controls this country and the world. But I am not stupid. I have always known this.
It is not a big surprise. Can it change? Not sure and have no idea what it would look like. Forty years ago, I set my priorities. I am living with the choices I made. And it is not easy. My conscience is clear. I know I did not cause the problems in the world. I have lived close to the bottom "so I would not have far to fall" when things got worse. I knew this day was coming.

History shows us that there has almost always been economic disparity - coinciding with the concept of private property. And that occurred when people developed agriculture and men realized they had something
to do with procreation. When men knew they helped make a baby and started accumulating stuff due to settled life and agriculture, they wanted to keep their stuff - women, children and cows.Women were considered chattel until about 150 years ago in the West. A man's property. I don't know enough about the rest of the world, but I suspect it's not that different. By controlling women and their issue, they passed their stuff on to their sons. Amassing more and more wealth in a family.

This has been going on for at least 5000 years, maybe more. So....the job of 'changing things' is a big one. It is programmed into our genes. In fact, our genetic makeup probably is directly connected to this idea of private property. 'Survival of the fittest' is/was the battle cry of the robber barons at the beginning of the 20th century and Wall Street types today.

Of course, if/when Mother Earth has her turn, the 'fittest' may be defined differently. Perhaps the most resilient and resourceful will be the survivors. Probably the homeless. They already know how to survive with nothing.

To see what else I'm up to go to my herb blog   my astrology blog  and my 2012 blog

In honor of my 100th post on this blog - for love of learning

Recently I did a talk on the Maya at the local museum as part of a series on 2012. It was the most well- attended of all the presentations - nearly 70 people came, crowding in to a small stuffy room to hear the about ancient Maya inscriptions etc.

Apparently an ex-President of the Museum had a fit about it. I was asked by the current President, to write a letter to the local newspaper about my perspective on the role of a museum.

One of the attributes of a vital museum in a community is that it responds to the needs and interests of that community. Look at the Fine Arts Museums of San Francisco - the de Young and the Legion of Honor. In an effort to serve their community, they have instituted free evenings on major exhibits so that they serve not
only their members who can afford to attend and support events, but also the working class and poor who cannot.

Even exhibits which normally cost up to 25.00 are free on Friday nights. Why? Are they losing money doing this? Well, if the health of the museum depends on the community, people will not support something they don't value. Not being able to go to museums because they are too expensive or cater to a select few, people will not care for them, allocate funds for them or set priorities in their favor. If they don't matter, they will cease to exist.

My mother started taking me to museums when I was quite young. For me, the old de Young was like church. What I learned there led to nearly all the things I have do and have done in my life. I developed an interest in other cultures, which led to degrees in Anthropology and Linguistics, serving as a Peace Corps volunteer
in Zaire, teaching English as a Second Language to Vietnamese refugees.

I loved the old exhibits they had on women's fashion through the ages, which led to my hobbies: knitting, embroidery, crocheting and sewing. As a teenager, I made all my own clothes. These days, I donate my creations to charity.

I loved the room exhibits at the old de Young where they reconstructed whole rooms taken from historic buildings. I was fascinated by furniture, textiles, carpets, ceramics...all of it.

While working at the Office of Preservation at the Library of Congress and pursuing a degree in Rare Book Librarianship at Catholic University, I studied Museum Conservation at the Smithsonian. This led to an interest in Museum Curatorship.

Later, while working at the California Department of Parks and Recreation, I worked on the exhibits at the Petaluma Adobe, the Benicia Capitol and Fischer-Hanlon House, the Vallejo Home and Jack London State Historic Park. My eclectic interests and skills were stimulated and fostered by museum exhibits and programs. They often led me to pursue more training.

While living in Washington, D.C. I was a Smithsonian Associate. I took classes in book-binding, paper making, calligraphy. I developed skills I have used throughout my professional and personal life.  I was able to design and write my own wedding invitations using Copperplate script. Later as a graduate student at Tulane University I worked on the illustrations for a book by one of my professors on Mayan Hieroglyphs because I had developed skills gained through these museum programs.

While a doctoral student at Tulane, I worked as Director of Educational Programs at the Maritime Museum in New Orleans.

To summarize: Museums have an important role to play in the education process. For seniors they provide entertainment, recreation, socialization. For adults, they serve as a source of continuing education. For children they are in the unique position to shape young minds in immeasurable ways. You can never know
how a child's mind will be stimulated leading to careers, hobbies, volunteer activities, and recreation.

If the Petaluma Museum hopes to be seen as a vital, progressive source of experience and educational opportunities, it must be willing to provide diverse opportunities.

Tradition has its value, and believe me, no one values history more than I do - I worked at several State Historic Parks, developing exhibits and programs and training docents, but the Petaluma Museum has a wider role. Otherwise, it would still house the old library. It's founder, Andrew Carnegie, saw the need for
continuing community education, when he established the system of libraries throughout the State of California. The library outgrew the facility which was then given a new role. Ultimately, the Petaluma Museum could/should outgrow the building. But, in order to expand, its vision has to expand.

The unique history of Petaluma is fascinating. I worked at Olompali SHP which was part of the chicken farming history of the area. This should not be overlooked or forgotten. It has its place in local history. Permanent exhibits on that topic are appropriate. But in order to expand membership, bring in more
visitors, generate income and fulfill its role as an educational institution, the Museum has to be willing to respond to a diversity of needs and interests. This can be accomplished through programs such as the Speakers Program, visiting exhibits etc. on a diversity of topics.

Museum Hopping by the Bay

One of my friends took me to an exhibit at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art. "The Steins Collect Matisse, Picasso and the Parisian Avant-Garde." A collection of paintings and sculpture collected by the Stein family at the beginning of the 20th century. The exhibit included writings, furniture, photographs and personal effects of the family. I learned that Gertrude Stein (before she was famous) and her siblings had moved to Paris, began buying art from then unknowns and displaying it in their home. Eventually they had to expand to three apartments, since each sibling collected different artists and there was no more room to display it all in one place. They opened their homes to the 'public' to show the paintings and hosted salons of those interested in discussing art etc. Clearly they had the money to move from the Bay Area to Paris, buy the art and show it...they did not have to work at anything else. Eventually they became artists and writers and famous themselves.

What they bought was considered outrageous and worthless at the time, but somehow they understood the significance it would someday have. Now.. the art they collected is priceless.

They did it because they were fascinated with it...because at the time it was of no value at all. In fact, they helped to make it famous so much so that within a few years, they could no longer afford it themselves. They popularized the art to such an extent they priced themselves out of the market.

The family, once close, develop schisms, partly due to their ideas about art, partly due to Gertrude's relationship with Alice B. Toklas, which did not fit into the Victorian ideas that were still extant in society.

Their collections became the basis for collections of many art museums. They had a huge impact on the modern art movement. Among the artists they collected at an early stage: Matisse, Picasso, Cezanne, Renoir, Toulouse-Lautrec and others.

The exhibit runs until September 6. It's a huge exhibit, so be prepared for hours of viewing or multiple visits. I could not see it all nor take it all in at one time. Have to go again.

The next day we went to the Oakland Museum. We happened to be there for the member's only preview of the John Muir exhibit. Another day of revelation. Just out of sheer interest and love, John Muir studied the Yosemite Valley and parts of Alaska, collecting plant and animal samples, making incredible drawings, writing his journals, recording information of all types. It appears he was on a spiritual quest, with Nature as his guru.

As per the Oakland Museum's mission, there were many opportunities to do 'hands on' activities. You could try to draw birds, record your own and listen to others' reactions to the exhibit. For me, one delightful addition to the exhibit that I have NEVER seen before, was aromatherapy! They actually had the scents of the individual plants, the forest and other natural settings. Push a button and smell the woods, the trees, the meadow etc. A wonderful addition. Another special feature of the exhibit is that you can listen to the recorded sounds of birds and other wildlife. There were places where you can take pictures of yourself 'climbing a mountain' or 'scaling a glacier" then email the picture to yourself.

What struck me about both these exhibits of 'famous' people, is that they did what they did out of love for the thing itself. For it's own sake. Not to be rich or famous. That was not their intent. There was no guarantee that anything would come of it. They didn't care about that - they did it anyway. Today people need guarantees. They need to know that any action they take with be 'successful'. Hence, they don't do things for the sheer love of the activity. They want to 'make money' 'be famous' 'be successful' and rarely follow their dreams or their heart. Often people reach old age after years of work and a modicum of financial stability feeling their lives have been a waste because they never did what they wanted to do.

How many people collect unpopular art because they like it? Or hike into wilderness recording everything they see because they love nature and want to understand it?

Most of us live lives of "quiet desperation" (Thoreau) rather than what Jack London aspired towards:

I would rather be ashes than dust!
I would rather
that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze
than it should be stifled by dryrot.
I would rather be a superb meteor,
every atom of me in magnificent glow,
than a sleepy and permanent planet.
The proper function of man is to live, not to exist.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
I shall use my time.

Looking at Jack London's life, we can see that he walked his talk. Let us dare to do something because we love it...no other reason. Let us not be satisfied with mere existing.

What Were They Thinking?

I find it completely insane that a country which suffered first hand the negative effects of atomic power, ever even considered relying on nuclear energy on an island whose history has been one of recurrent earthquakes and volcanoes. What were they thinking?

No, I don't think they deserve it or any such thing. It just goes to show how greedy and short-sighted the corporations have become. For surely, it was some corporation with its power to control the government and the people, which suggested and pushed through this construction that now threatens millions.

This proves that we have truly lost our way. Capitalism and the endless search for markets, products and profits is completely bankrupt. Now the infrastructures are collapsing. The ocean was ruined last year by BP, now the air will be tainted with nuclear fall-out. Where will it end?

I did hear something encouraging this morning on KPFA. Germany and France are voluntarily shutting down their older nuclear power plants so that they can be inspected BEFORE they fail. Imagine!

The title of Naomi Klein's book "Shock Doctrine: The Rise of Disaster Capitalism" says it all. Corporations and even governments have figured out how to make money from disaster. Rather than 'losing it all', like we do, they continue to cash in. We need to put a stop to this.

We have arrived at a point where we don't fix anything until it fails. It's like never having your brakes serviced, then having an accident where you run over a child. Oops! We can do better than that. with so many people out of work, the government could do like they did in the Great Depression and hire people to repair the infrastructure, install alternative energy equipment (solar, wind). I heard that one week of the money we spend on the wars would take care of all the deficits.

When there is a disaster, people unite to help each other. We need to unite before the disaster, to prevent it.
Let's learn to be proactive, not reactive. We will feel so much better about ourselves.

A Great Movie - My Name is Khan

Just watched, for the second time, a great movie called "My Name is Khan". I love this movie. This is one I want in my personal collection.

The movie is almost 3 hours long. I laughed, I cried - what else do you want from a movie? Beyond that, I thought a lot about my own beliefs and behavior.

The couple at the center of the movie are famous 'Bollywood' actors, who are usually singing and dancing away in an Indian romance. Here they have shown that their acting capacity is way beyond what they have previously done. The charisma between them is hypnotic.

The movie is about Rizwan Khan (Shahrukh Khan), a Muslim man with Asperger Syndrome, who lives happily with his wife Mandira (Kajol), in San Francisco until a tragedy drives her away after the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Now he is on a quest to recapture the heart of the woman he loves. Traveling across America, Rizwan faces prejudice because of his religion and unusual behavior, but he also inspires the people meets with this unique outlook on life.

Some lines from the movie will stick with me forever: "We used to designate history as BC or AD. Now there is a third event: 9/11."

The story reveals prejudices on all levels. Framed within the story of immigrants to America, it shows the misconceptions many of us have regarding 'foreigners' and how they themselves respond and react to our treatment of them.

It also educates regarding the religion of Islam in a subtle, but effective way. Not just telling us about the religion, but by example...the best way.

Because of his so-called 'disability' Rizwan has always been marginalized in every society he has lived in... including his original homeland - India. He as always been an outsider. This has given him a unique perspective. He can objectively see what others cannot - what is really important in life. We learn that just because a person has a 'disability', that does not mean they are not intelligent, sensitive, compassionate and highly capable. So it is also a movie about prejudices regarding disability.

Early in life, his mother demonstrated to him in a graphic way that there are only two kinds of people - good people who do good and bad people who do bad. He has never forgotten this important lesson. And that is what the movie is really about.

Not to be overlooked, is the love story between the two major characters. How Rizwan wins Mandira's love, then is forced to regain it after a tragedy.

This is a 'must see' for anyone who is concerned about the current trend to demonize Muslims and how we must always keep our minds and hearts open to people who are different from us.
Here's a link to the movie website.

This Time They Went Too Far...

When I was a child my parents had bought me The Book of Knowledge, a type of encyclopedia. A photo I saw there so deeply affected me that I have never forgot it. I must have been around 5 years old. It was a pit full of emaciated bodies with a bulldozer pushing more bodies into it. I asked myself what was this about? How did this happen? I knew it was something horrible, but had no idea what. Through the years I found out.

As a pre-teen I was obsessed with reading books about the holocaust starting with The Diary of Anne Frank, which my mother had given me.I also developed a curiosity about Judaism and something in me resonated with this religion despite the fact that I was a Catholic. I was inexplicably drawn to it.

I began to notice words and practices within my Sicilian family that were not 'Catholic' nor 'Italian' but Jewish. My mother would merely say it was something grandma and grandpa brought from Sicily, period. I was curious about all this. Now I believe that my grandmother's family had been Jewish at some point in their history, but had been forced to convert way back when.

As an undergraduate, I studied the kibbutz educational system and wrote a term paper about it. Later in my graduate program in Linguistics, I chose Hebrew as my non-Indo-European language (all others in the program chose Japanese or Chinese). As it turned out, I was the only gentile in the class which was taught by an Israeli woman. She also taught us about the holidays, which we celebrated in class.

When I returned from the Peace Corps and lived in Washington, D.C., my best friend Connie was Jewish and we used to go to the Jewish Community Center dances where I hoped to find a husband.I planned to convert and fulfill my desire to be Jewish.

A few years ago, while pursuing a study of the religions of the world, my teacher told us that often while studying a religion in depth, one discovered such an attraction that it lead to a conversion of some sort. My first reaction was that I would become a Jew. That didn't happen.
Instead, I got attracted to Islam and studied Arabic.

I found out that my grandfather's family had been Muslim at some point in the past because the family name was not Italian, but Arabic. Sicily had been part of the Moorish kingdom, that Arabic was spoken in the court and in the church even after King Roger took power. That many words in the 'backwards' Sicilian dialect my grandparents spoke, were Arabic. I felt that I embodied the three religions: a Jewish soul, a Christian body and a Muslim heart.

But that is another story.

I heard about the concept that Jews who died during the holocaust had been reincarnated in non-Jewish bodies because there were not enough Jews. That there were many (of us, for I believed I was one of these people) who had 'Jewish souls' in Christian or other bodies. I totally resonated with this idea. After all, my name was Judith and I had always felt Jewish. I even discovered someone who I believed I had been. Although she had converted to Catholicism and was preparing to be a nun, she died in Auschwitz. I found out about her while at an Anthropology conference at the Carmelite convent in Santa Barbara (go figure). She had been calling to me. Her Nun name was Theresa and I had been hearing this name in my heart for months.

In the past, I was so proud that the State of Israel was founded a couple days from my birthday in May of 1948. I felt it was fated that I would become Jewish and go to Israel and live on a kibbutz.

I tell you all this to underscore the pain I feel about what Israel represents today. I feel they have become the abusers, like most victims of abuse. They learned from the Nazis. They are becoming better Nazis.
They stop any criticism by screaming anti-Semitism and try to halt any comment by Jewish people by accusing them of being 'self-hating Jews'. I admire Norman Finkelstein so much for having the guts to speak the truth.

This latest action of attacking the compassionate flotilla, is the last straw. They are a rogue state. They are the 'evil empire.' Now the world sees the truth of what they have become.

I am so glad I was not successful in becoming Jewish or finding a Jewish husband. I see that Jewish people are in a difficult situation. To criticize Israel can ruin your career, your life, and disrupt your family. Yet, not to criticize is to be complicit with criminal behavior.

When I first heard The Shema I was shaken to my core. As a Sufi minister, I always use it in the Universal Worship. It goes deeply into me every time I hear it and recite it. It is so beautiful and evocative.

Listen, Oh Israel, the Lord thy God is One. The Lord (Our God) is One. The God of the Jews, the God of the Christians and the God of the Muslims... IS ONE. Three religions from the root of Abraham! You are the self-hating Jews because you are killing your own family!

Where Do I Go From Here?

You know you are over the hill when instead of wanting a resume of your achievements, they want a resume of all your illnesses and injuries. They want to have the cause and proof of your PTSD, rather than your success at keeping yourself out of addiction and despair.

They ask you to describe in detail every blow you have received from life and to promote your victimhood rather than your recovery and health.

After a half hour telephone interview the other day with my worker at Social Security, I was reduced to a quivering and helpless old lady.

In the past, at job interviews I extolled my talents and accomplishments in order to get the job (make money). Now I have to complain about all my aches and pains to get the disability insurance (make money). It was a real shock, believe me.

Something is very wrong with all this.

It occurred to me that I am tired of trying to convince anyone of anything. Take me as I am without the bragging or the excuses. This, to me, is the mark of my gained wisdom. But it will not get me anything in this world of skewed values.

If, 20 years ago after I was nearly beaten to death, stalked, forced to hide out in a battered women's shelter... I had become a drug addict, homeless person, felon, or alcoholic, I could have gotten more out of the system than I have as a person who has always sought wellness and wholeness.

Geez, by now I could have written a book about all my travails and gotten a movie contract. Instead, my intelligence has only served to make me 'over-qualified' for most jobs and envied by my fellow employees at others. Now, I have to use my intelligence to try to figure out what they need me to say to get disability. Pathetic!

What kind of world is this that rewards victimhood, crime and addiction? And where a person who has had the excuse to fall apart on many occasions has instead opted to stand up and try one more time, only to find out that falling apart pays better.

Haiti - Revive Your Indigenous Soul

At the risk of alienating everyone I know and those loyal readers I do have... I must express myself about Haiti.

My first thought when I heard the news about Haiti was... if this had happened 200 years ago we wouldn't even know about it. All the people would die and that would be it. Hasn't this kind of thing happened throughout time all over the world, where whole cultures fell because of a cataclysmic volcanic eruption or earthquake which destroyed palaces and disrupted agriculture? Pompeii, the Minoan civilization. No one rushed off to help because no one knew. And....since the population was much lower in the past and people did not live is such density, fewer people died or were left homeless. A MILLION HOMELESS PEOPLE sitting around on the ground. What's going on here?

For them, the end of the world - apocalypse. They didn't have to wait for 2012.

Maybe I've been watching too many apocalyptic movies and reading too many books about the end of the world. I do teach a course on Mayan Hieroglyphs, the Calendar and 2012 and although I teach from a more academically oriented perspective than the 'stuff' I've been watching and reading, I do feel I should at least look into what others are saying, since it is bound to come up in class and I need to be abreast of what's out there in the popular culture, and.... I can't help having my own opinion about it all (which I do not impose on my students).

I couldn't help thinking as I heard what was coming down in Haiti as many forces hurriedly gathered to send in aid, rescue people and deal with all the trauma, that.... what if there were another one, just as bad, in a just as poverty-stricken a place as Haiti.. within a day or two...would there be enough of anything to handle it?

I believe that we will be soon seeing so many disasters happening simultaneously all over the world, that we won't be able to put out all the fires.

Haiti is the canary in the mine-shaft friends.
Haiti with its deforested, degraded environment, its lack of infrastructure and over-population is the face of most of the world outside of the affluent European/American world. Most countries have shanty towns extending miles out from the urban centers.

This is the fate that awaits the world. Haiti is doing her dance of death to show us what the world will come to if we do not control population, decrease our consumption of manufactured goods and greatly simplify our lives. We need to grow more of our own food, learn to make at least some of the things we use and reconnect with the natural world.

While you may feel sorry for the Haitians, and who wouldn't? I must say that they were in many ways better equipped to deal with that tragedy than we would be. One commentary I heard on the radio said that since the people of Haiti already live at the near starvation level, their bodies were more accustomed to deal without food than ours. Since they 'fasted' (starved) regularly, they were able to go without food for days as they were buried in the rubble. The average American obese teenager, would have a fit after a couple of hours without the greasy snacks and sugary sodas they pump in continuously throughout the day. My travels have shown me that poor people know how to cope better than we do. They have fewer, if any expectations. They know how to just 'be' and can go for hours without doing anything but just sitting. They don't have a constant need for entertainment or distraction.
I have a habit of looking at what people eat. The fattest people always have loads of junk in their shopping carts. It's amazing! I think to myself, 'don't they know any better?' The only thing I can figure is that they are addicts. Just like an addict, they might know better, but another voice whispers: "it's okay... you deserve this... go ahead."

Another issue is that there is just so much that can be done. Haiti has one disaster after another. Their government has been corrupt for decades. Their limited resources have either been exploited by others or have been used up. They don't have anything anyone wants (except cheap labor). Another thing is that say 'someone' fixes it all up... the next hurricane could take it all down again in no time. They are kind of living on a time bomb. Bad location folks.
In a radio interview someone said: "We need 100,000 tents. Are there that many tents in the whole world?" Good question.

As to the role the U.S. has played in the poverty of Haiti, I would like to say this... anyone who thinks we can have the standard of living we have here in America without someone paying the price, is totally naive. Corporate capitalism must have slaves/serfs/low-wage workers in huge quantities to do all the dirty work. Most Americans who call themselves free are really wage slaves making money for a corporation. One month without an income would put them in trouble (as we are now seeing). Most of your so-called possessions are on loan. When you can't pay the bill, the company takes it back. Anyone who has a mortgage does not own a home. The mortgage holder owns the home until it is paid off and... can be reclaimed anytime. DUH! Why are people so surprised by this? Credit card debt makes the average person a slave to the job so they can pay their bills.

When I had 'the best' job I ever had, I wondered why I never had any money despite my good income. When I figured out how much I spent on the clothes I needed for the job, the cost of meals eaten away from home, the parking fees or parking ticket fees, the cost of gas to commute to that great job, I realized I wasn't even 'making' minimum wage. I was working to pay for the job. Not to mention the 'goodies' I bought myself because I was so stressed out due to commuting, and working under a mean-spirited supervisor. I began to develop physical symptoms and after many tests, my doctor said it was all stress related and I would have to quit my job. I knew I was already too far in credit card debt to do that... besides, this wasn't just a job it was a career! No matter that my hair was falling out, I had dizzy spells and headaches, I had to stay. The doctor prescribed Valium. He said, "Drive to work then take one. Take another at lunch and by the time you are ready to do the commute home, it will have worn off enough so you can drive." HUH? Excuse me... now I have to take drugs so I can stay at a job I hate? I was really in a quandary as to what to do.

One day, life intervened, and my whole life changed in an hour. My family called to say my father found out he had six months to live, so I left the job and moved back home to be with him.

Within a couple of months, I was no longer able to keep up on the credit card bills. I didn't have much total debt, but when you have no income, any debt is too much. When I finally got the whole thing straightened out, I vowed never to have cards again. I went from having a secure government job to no income for a year. True, I left voluntarily, but, at the time, I felt it was the only option. I had to be with my dad in his last days. There was no other choice for me.

The average American is tens of thousands of dollars in debt. Many of these debts are incurred because they are miserable and need to buy themselves stuff to make it through the night or the weekend... or worse yet, their life. Then when someone pulls the plug by laying them off, or moving the job to a place where the labor is cheaper, they are stuck with all the debt and the stuff. NOT FAIR!!!!

Rather than see it as an opportunity to do things totally differently, they do everything they can to restore what they had.

My advice to Haiti and the Haitian people....
Soon, outside corporations will be brought in to rebuild the country in their own image. Burger King, the Golden arches, all the junk food outlets will come in. The people of Haiti would be better off to go back to the old days of agricultural villages, build simple houses out of renewable materials, plant their own food, raise animals to eat and pull wagons. Forget the 'bright lights of town', their only promise is empty and meaningless. Don't you know that most Americans take anti-depressants because they are so alienated from each other and the natural world? Take this golden opportunity to 'go back to the land' rather than to let ANY outsiders, or even their own government officials, force them into 'restoring' what was in the city. LET IT GO! Be the harbingers of a new day! You just had a major Pluto transit... don't waste it. Those who survived the Apocalypse should not try to go back to 'business as usual.'

This is a chance to create a sustainable future. If you do, Haiti, you will become the teacher for us when we fall into decline, which could happen any day. Rather than being beholden to 'developed' countries for aid, you will lead the way in showing us how to live. You will be the experts. Grow medicinal plants that can only thrive in your particular environment. Make your own medicine. Don't wait for anyone to put a band aid on your life. You will always be beholden to outsiders. Don't let the Zombies, the walking dead from the developed world, take over. Revive your indigenous soul!

Good Advice from Janis Joplin

I don't know about you, but 2009 was one of the hardest years of my life. And yet, I learned many valuable lessons.

I broke my ankle and was out of commission for almost 3 months, unable to earn any money, drive, walk. It really taught me a lot about what the disabled endure every day of their lives for their entire lives. Just a few examples:

1) People treat you like you are stupid just because your legs don't work.
2) There are not enough disabled parking spots at popular venues - like grocery stores - Duh!
3) It is hard for others to know when you really could use some help and when it's unnecessary.
4) It brings out your creativity and resourcefulness.
5) You gotta have a sense of humor or you are finished.

A few lessons for the year...

Everyone should know the following things:

1) How to shop.
2) How to cook from scratch.
3) How to eat right.

If you know how to compare prices, remember which stores have the best buys on items you use a lot, and stock up when there are sales on items you regularly use, you can save a lot of money. Buy family packs of chicken and meat, then repackage into small bags and freeze.

Cooking does not take as much time as you think. You can prepare large amounts, divide it up and freeze meal-sized portions. You can do a lot with a crock pot, although I never leave one on when I'm not home, because I fear fire.

Maintaining your health by eating right can save you from getting sick.

Pawn shops can help you with short-term loans. Don't get more than you think you will be able to pay back, even if you feel the item is worth a lot more, unless you don't care about losing the item. There are finance charges, but if you fail to pay and lose the item, it does not affect your credit record and haunt you the rest of your life, because they have your collateral and the deal is over. You pawn your diamond ring, you can't pay them to get it back. They keep it. End of story.

Live in present time as much as possible. In every moment, find any small thing to be grateful for. A full belly, a hot bath, a bed, a roof, your T.V., your dog... whatever. Things could be worse. I guarantee the more you can do this, the better off you will be. Worrying about things you cannot change right now, is dangerous to your health.

Try to negotiate with those you owe money to. The worst they can do is say NO. They might say YES, but if you don't approach, they will not offer.

You can make a few bucks bringing your cans and bottles to a recycling station. If you don't need the money, give it to the attendant. I know they can use it.

Be as generous as you can even if you have very little. There is always someone worse off than you and generosity gets energy moving. I know this to be true. The more you give, the more the Universe gives you.

Allow yourself a treat once in awhile. "Splurge" and rent a movie or buy some food item you really love, but "can't afford". I'm talking $5.00 items here, not a new Mercedes. This will lift your spirits, which, again, is a way to bring in the light energy.

Now, of course, none of this applies if you are flush and having no financial challenges at all. But....who knows, lately even millionaires are going bankrupt and you could find yourself needing this advice after all.

Recently I was talking to the guy who runs the recycling station in town. I asked him how was his Christmas. He said, "I did without." He said he'd better shut up because he had to be careful what he said to people because they complained about his attitude and he could lose his job. This did not surprise me. Having worked as a 'public servant' most of my life, I knew that people treat you like shit and expect you to keep smiling. When you defend yourself, they report you. I took a lot of abuse from the public when I was a letter carrier. There were many nice people too, but the majority treated me like I was "less than", inferior and stupid.

I mentioned this to the guy hoping to convey some empathy about his situation.

I also said "Look, if the shit continues to hit the fan, or it gets worse, those same people are going to be coming to you for advice. Remember, you are the expert. You know how to live on nothing, how to survive the cold, sleep in your car, stay alive. They have lived their pampered entitled lives for so long, they don't have a clue how to keep warm without the heater on. And...since their self-esteem and self image are so tied up with their material possessions, if/when they lose it, they are going to go nuts. They're gonna need our help."

We had a good laugh over that one.



So, to summarize...in the words from a Janis Joplin song: "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose." For those of you who have nothing or feel you are on the road to having nothing, think of it this way - the less you will have to lose later. And... the more you will value what you do have, which is the real message. You will then be on the road to true freedom.

And remember, nothing lasts forever. You may have already noticed that in regards to
'good' things, well, it's true of the 'bad' things too. The tide always turns. Learn to endure. Learning to be patient can serve you in ways you cannot even imagine. Start when you are standing in line. Do not distract yourself with your cell-phone. In fact, throw your cell phone away, right now. It is an enemy to your peace of mind, yes... really. Studies are showing that the latest addiction is to cell phones and texting. Anyway, back to the line. Just be there. Observe where you are, who is in line. Take it all in. As soon as you begin to truly be where you are.... believe me, you won't be there anymore. It's almost a law of nature. The line will move so fast, you'll have to adjust to that. Ha ha!

I feel this is going to be a good year. I have no real basis for this belief, just faith and trust, two of the gifts this year gave me.

The Road - Another Film About the End of Life as We Know It - Whoopee!

Went to see the film "The Road." The poster said it is the most hopeful, optimistic film I would see this year. Perhaps it is meant to force us to be grateful for what we have now....but instead it portrays just how frail our security is.

I sure hope not. If you are depressed, don't see this film. While it may help you appreciate what you DO have, it is so graphic in its portrayal of the end of life as we have known it, it could make things worse for you. It feels real. And, somehow, possible. A look at what could happen?

It begins with an indication of fires and earthquakes that destroy nearly everything. You never find out what happened. A few people have somehow prepared in advance so they have some food and other resources stockpiled against this type of event, so they have survived, but clearly, not for long.

Bands of cannibalistic gangs (all men) range the countryside, raping, killing and eating everyone they find. They bear a strong resemblance to rednecks. There are many scenes of butchered, dismembered bodies and people being kept prisoner for future eating. Almost made me puke.

A father and his son wander the landscape searching for something to eat. All animals and plants have perished. They have been instructed to "go South" to the sea, but you never know why, even at the end.

It was so intense, so visceral. Now that it is so cold here in my house in the woods, I feel like I'm in the film.

I don't know what the point of the film is or how anyone could say it was hopeful or optimistic. It should be played after "2012" showing what happened to the few who survived.

Believe it or not, I am better than I was......

I am back. This has been one of the most difficult years of my life.

I am in a financial crisis, which is not new for me, but this time, I have no job, no boyfriend or family to back me up if things get dire. And they are dire now. I could not do my craft shows for several months due to my broken ankle and now that I am doing them again, everyone is broke, so they are not buying. I had an investment that went bankrupt, so the last of my money is gone.

My cat, Grace, died. She had been ill for months with a thyroid and heart condition, taking meds twice a day. But she took a turn for the worse and was not going to get better.

Many friends have died or are critically ill.

I was housebound with a broken ankle for nearly 3 months, relying on friends for food, water and many chores around the house. I see that I can no longer live out here in the woods alone. It is life threatening. I watched a movie that really hit home last night called Grey Gardens. It is about a mother and daughter who were related to Jackie Kennedy. Based on a true story, it shows their descent from high society to penury. A house once filled with music, cocktails and guests, becomes a stinking repository of garbage and animals urinating everywhere. Very sad and depressing. I looked around my place here and saw that things are definitely deteriorating and I do not have the resources to maintain the house or the yard. I am considering moving into senior housing and selling the house for whatever I can get for it.

My lover/friend of twenty years just dropped out of my life with no explanation. He is out of the country right now and I cannot afford to call him. Also, I could not bear it if he did not take my call, so I am not going to do it.

I am depressed, heart-broken, cold, and feel that life has no meaning or purpose. We are just here to suffer, period.

What makes it harder in many ways is that I am surrounded by all these people who 'are praying for me' or 'sending me light' or encouraging me to 'change my attitude'. It drives me crazy.

Here I am in a freezing house (I cannot afford more propane, so I'm saving it to cook with), recycling my toilet paper for God's sake, and cooking beans every other day.... I know, at least I have a house, water, beans, a stove. And I get 'change your attitude' from people who have never suffered one minute of their lives. They have always lived in comfort.

I know we need rain, but a couple of weeks ago, during that storm, I had a collision with a downed tree and my insurance company is saying it was my fault and so raising my insurance. Hitting the tree was the safest option considering the road I was on. It took taking it in twice to get the repairs right and although most of it was covered by insurance, I still had to come up with a deductible. Thanks to a kind friend who had just given me a financial gift that I was planning to use for food, I had enough to make the deductible. So, I got my car fixed, but I don't have the money to put gas in it so I can use it. Maybe I should move into the car.

Oh yes, and the guaranteed roof job I had done a couple of years ago, continued to leak over my bed. I don't like it when it rains. I am totally dreading this winter, because I could not pay my flood insurance and I think we are due for a flood out here. I live 3 feet from a creek that goes over every few years.

I can just hear you now saying...."Don't be negative, change your attitude. Think positive." Do you really think that makes any difference? Do you really believe in "The Law of Attraction?" What if you want something good and your neighbor who hates you wants a tree to fall on your house? Whose LOA wins? Is it only good stuff that happens? If so, then you can think all the negative stuff you want.

I'd really like to hear from those who 'know' this is true. I'd like to hear what you have to say about it. So.... now that I am thinking negatively, do I have to feel bad about that too? I feel what I feel. I try to do what I can each moment to feel better. Sometimes that means 'stopping thought'. I am beginning to see 'losing your mind' as a good thing. Who wants to remember anything? Forget it all. Just breathe in and breathe out. No thoughts. Bliss. Forget the unpayable bills. Be Here Now. Maybe the whole thing is just a dream. We will all wake up to a happy life.

Tears, Tea, and Tomatoes

I have not been posting for awhile for a number of reasons. One being that I have been in a funk. My cat, Grace, took a downturn and had to be 'put to sleep' a couple of weeks ago. I have been so sad and missing her so much that it has been paralyzing.

The state of the world and my personal life have led me to believe that life is meaningless and that everything I have been doing is worthless. Knowing at a deeper level that these thoughts are a trick and that I must not succumb to them, I have been spending more time with friends and going to Master Gardener activities, which are interesting, connected to nature and free.

I can now say this strategy has worked to move me out of depression and renewed my sense of purpose.

Spent a delightful afternoon at a Master Gardener book club meeting and tomato tasting. So many varieties, colors and flavors. We also sampled dishes made with tomatoes including green tomato pickles, tomato jelly and tomato chutney.

The book everyone was reading was East Wind Melts the Ice by Liza Dalby and she came and did a talk about the book and some of her experiences in Japan. In Japanese culture, the year is divided into 72 seasons that last 5 days each. The book goes through the year and each of the seasons. A very different way of looking a the cycles of nature.

I was intrigued by her because she is a cultural anthropologist who writes both non-fiction and fiction and has credibility in both genres.

Many years ago when I wanted to become a writer, I went back to school in a doctoral program thinking that would 'force' me to write. Well, yes it did, but not in the way I wanted. There is a huge difference between scholarly writing and writing for the public. In her case, after she finished her doctorate and was teaching at the University of Chicago, she realized she also wanted to write fiction. She and I discussed the differences between the styles of writing and the audience.

I was inspired after talking with her to get back to my novel. It is so good to meet someone who is successful at what you want to do - being a writer with an anthropological perspective. She lives nearby and I hope to develop a friendship with her.

Liza studied to be a geisha and did her anthropological fieldwork in Japan. Her website

Just a couple of days before, I had gone to a viewing of The Meaning of Tea, by Scott Chamberlin Hoyt at Traditional Medicinals in Sebastopol. Japan was one of the countries featured in the movie. Others were Morocco, England, France, Taiwan and India.

Four of the people I went to Morocco with were at the film showing. Robin, Shelley, Dorothy, Huck and I went on the Plant Lovers Tour of Morocco in 2007 with Rosemary Gladstar. A memorable trip where we drank a lot of tea.

Finding and Following Your Star - Julie & Julia

Last night, we had a Ladies' Night out. Dinner at a Vietnamese restaurant then off the see Julie & Julia. Five of the six of us had worked together at the Forestville Post Office as Rural Carriers. Two still work at a post office, two are retired, and they put me out to pasture after I got hit by a truck, hurt my shoulder and could no longer deliver mail.

Even though I worked overtime nearly every week, substituted on all the routes, could do all types of mail processing, etc., my classification was "part time" so I had no recourse.

I miss the income, but I do not miss the job. The best part of it I still have - the friends I made - 'comrades in arms.' We share our 'war stories' and our present lives. We all live within a few miles of each other. One woman even lives on my street.

The other part of the job I liked was the dogs. I always carried treats and threw them to the dogs, who waited, with their tails wagging, inside the fences. If the dogs were in the house, they started barking when I came by, fearing they would miss their treat. I left the treats in the mailbox.

We went to see Julie & Julia. A fantastic film. I loved it, for so many reasons. One was Meryl Streep. One of my favorite actors: that woman can play anyone. It's like she channels the person. Truly amazing. The other thing I loved was the walk down memory lane - the 50s and early 60s - my childhood days. Seeing the clothes, cars, furniture etc. was so nostalgic. I envied the marriages these two women had. I have never had a relationship like that in my life. Supportive, smart, employed, gentle, sexy - where did they meet these men? I cried with envy, knowing what a difference it can make to have a partner like that, even though I have never had one.

I realized how much I love to oook and have dinner parties. Yes, when I first moved into my tiny house, I had small dinner parties. I have a large collection of cookbooks and when I travel, I always buy herbs and spices not available here at home. I miss cooking for people.

Julie and Julia, two women who made their mark following their heart's desire. I could see how much difference having a goal that serves as a guiding star, can make in your life.

Right now, I feel lost at sea, anchorless, floundering, adrift. It feels like so many things I have set my hand to have failed. I am truly tired of trying to find something that works. I feel surrounded by loss and endings. I understand now why people are so thrilled when a baby is born. Something new, hope, a new start.

Oh! to have something to look forward too! I find myself whiling away the time playing computer games, accomplishing nothing besides keeping my meat suit alive.

This movie made me laugh and cry. I never watched Julia Child on T.V. I only knew her as the brunt of jokes and slapstick gags. Now I see what a delightful person she was. Truly charming. A magical being. A woman who was herself and by so doing freed others to be themselves. I wish I were more like her. She had a big heart, a warm smile and an infectious laugh. At least, that is how Streep portrayed her and Streep, being who she is, would do all she could to be faithful to the truth of the character.

Long live Julia Child!

Hooked on Farmville

Just what I needed - another addiction. I have just discovered Facebook and one of its games called Farmville. I can't believe that I get up at 6:30 in the morning to plant strawberries so that I can harvest them by 10:30.

Meanwhile my real garden outside is neglected and dry. We are truly moving into a virtual reality.

I am finally able to walk and drive and in two months, the world has moved on and left me behind. I feel like an alien when I do venture forth. I actually prefer to stay home alone.

I find myself unwilling and unable to interact with people in the real world. I only want to live in the virtual world of the Internet. I read posts by others and everyone seems so positive, so up, so full of energy. Am I the only one who feels about to fall into a deep dark hole?

I love to sleep, but each night it alludes me. I have to fight off thoughts of disaster. I am broke, have lost my medical insurance and have 50 bucks to my name. No job, too old to get one and still recovering from a broken ankle. Then, of course, there is the issue of no job to be had.

I am scared. I admit it. I can't keep pretending everything is okay. It's not. When I stay focused on the present moment, I am okay although constantly in pain. Physical pain seems easier to bear than mental and emotional pain.

The only pleasure I have is playing Farmville. Pathetic. But I guess those people who design these things, know how bad off people are these days. The illusion of connection to people and Nature is more satisfying than reality.

Cousin Frank Does it Again!

Yes, he's still running. This time in Seattle for the Rock and Roll Marathon this past weekend.

Here I am on my butt with a broken ankle, can't walk, can't drive and he's up there running for .... how many miles? Boggles the mind. I am going to be happy to walk again.

He started out in San Francisco last year, I think to see if he could do it and got hooked on running. Now it's a regular part of his life.
He looks great, don't you think? Well, he always did. Handsome guy and great dancer! In high school when we wanted to go somewhere that needed a 'date', we would go together. We used to belong to a square dance club because we both liked to dance so much. And we always went roller-skating together. It was cool then (yes, it was a long time ago.)

X number of years ago, he and I took a car trip to Vancouver and brought my dog Gypsy. We camped out and cooked outside on a fire (well, we tried to.) We took the ferry to Victoria Island and hitch-hiked into town. Two elderly ladies picked us up and were so excited to meet us. They insisted that we come to their house for tea. And it was the ultimate English tea experience. Outside in their lovely garden with scones and all. Then they took us into town. They worried we would get stranded and invited us to return and stay if we did.

On the route up north, we stopped in Seattle and visited our cousin Elsie and her husband Paul.

It was a free-wheeling trip by two 20 somethings. We had a great time.

Hey Frank, wanna go to Morocco with me? How about next year?

Plug and Play? In Whose Universe?

My Mayan Hieroglyph Class started last night at the local Junior College. When I first proposed the class the staff at the Community Education office suggested I wait until the Fall, because Summer enrollment is not good and I might be disappointed. The minimum was set at 12 and I got 24, so I am happy about that. One staff member told me many classes were cancelled.

The so-called 'plug and play' computer system was a joke. We just could not connect my laptop to the overhead projector and finally had to use the files on my thumb drive on their system. Unfortunately, the software they had was older than mine and did not support various elements of the newest Power Point and so about 25% of my presentation was either lost or non-functional. I have been working on this for 6 months, so you know how disappointed I was. I couldn't believe that a classroom in the Computer Science Building on campus would have old software and shoddy equipment. Welcome to the budget crunch. I looked longingly at the old-fashioned overhead projector I had requested, wishing I had brought those old transparencies I had made years ago for this class. They would have worked! Next time....

I think the class was successful since the students voted for no break and I had to tell them to leave 10 minutes after the class was to have ended. They were really into it. So glad. I have students who seem to be in their teens (they are probably 30 - but they look young to me LOL) and others maybe in their 80s. A real cross section.

I am still on crutches so I had to teach from a wheelchair. Who said they have made things accessible? It was damn hard to teach a class from a chair, because you can only reach up a foot or so on the blackboard and you have to sit at a strange angle since the chair is in the way. Heaven forbid you have too much pain to twist around like that! There are plenty of special seats and tables for the students, but.... what about disabled instructors?

I have learned a lot about what the disabled have to go through and from now on, I will never take my body for granted. When my two feet both hit the ground together again, I am going to celebrate. I have one week to go, but I'm not sure I'll be able to walk again right away. My foot looks like dead fish and it might take a little physical therapy to wake it up again.

Am I ranting? Sounds like it. But I was so upset by the end of class I couldn't relax for a couple hours afterwards. I am a bit of a perfectionist and control freak (no one who has ever seen the inside of my house would think that, but just ask my friend Steve.) I want everything to run smoothly when I'm teaching a class and if it doesn't, it feels like a nightmare. For me, last night was a nightmare. But the fact that they didn't want a break and had to be told to go home, says a lot about what the students thought.

Someone asked me if they could get a CD of the class. Well, that was my original plan. To make them all CDs as part of their materials package, but when I really got into doing the slide show, and saw that I was going to have 200+ slides, I decided not to do it. But, wouldn't you know it, like a drunk on a binge, my ego blurted out. I told them that had been the plan. NOW WHAT? Does that mean I have to do it? I could just give them an edited version. I could sell them one. Although the school said I couldn't, instructors in this program are always peddling their books and CDs. Today I can't think about it, but we will see.

The Value of Friends

As you have probably figured out by now, I have not been very actively blogging for awhile. One thing and another. Getting ready to teach a class on Mayan Hieroglyphs at Santa Rosa Junior College this summer is one thing that is taking a lot of time.

My new blog on 2012 and reading everything I can on 2012 is taking a lot of time too.

Then I broke my right ankle and cannot walk or drive for a couple of months. I find myself tired just trying to take care of the basics. If not for my friends, I wouldn't even have any food. Someone comes over every couple of days to help me around the house and bring food.

But today, I looked at my BlogCatalog account and found that I had gotten an award from one of my friends in Turkey! That made me really feel good. Thank you Aprill!
Her blog: ShiningDay http://sunshine.blogsever.com/

I haven't yet written about my trip to Turkey in 2005, but it was wonderful. When the economy recovers (if it ever does), I want to go back. I have friends there that I can stay with - in Izmir.

So now it's my turn to pass on the award. Drum roll please.....
The winners are:

Seanymph at Mermaids Treasures http://mermaidstreasures.blogspot.com/
Jackie at Herbs 'n Oils http://herbs-n-oils.blogspot.com/
BetterSpines http://betterspines.com
My gypsygoods http://mygypsygoods.blogspot.com/
EJ Cooksey Halloween For Kids http://halloweenforkids.blogspot.com/
Daisy the Curly Cat http://daisythecurlycat.blogspot.com/
Maitri's Heart... Living in The Moment with Loving-Kindness, Compassion, and Grace...
http://www.magicandmomentsatdragonflycottage.com

If you want to pass it on, here are the 'rules'

1. Put the logo on your blog
2. Add a link to the person who awarded you
3. Nominate at least 7 other blogs
4. Add links to those blogs on yours
5. Leave a message for your nominees on their blog

Can Do No More - At Least For Awhile

Well I guess it's back to blogging for awhile. I had gotten so busy with 'my life' lately, that I have not had much time for blogging, but all that changed Friday. I was in Calistoga at a Plant Spirit Healing training, when I slipped and fell and broke my right ankle.

Won't be able to drive for at least a month and have to go around on crutches. Barely was able to get up the brick walk way to my house and had to go up the steps on my butt. Now that I am inside, where I live like a pack rat, it's a real obstacle course. I was planning to begin a major spring cleaning this week. Oh well.

It's survival mode. I live alone so there is no one to help me. I open cans of soup, put them in the microwave, then have to stand there to eat them because I don't have any place to sit down in my tiny kitchen and I can't carry soup and hobble on crutches at the same time.

I am really learning how hard it is for people who live like this all the time. As the nurse in the ER said, "this is only temporary lady. You will recover." Yes and at the same time it is really hard not to fall into self-pity. He was not sympathetic at all.

I have not paid my health insurance premium in three months because money has been so tight and I had to pay property taxes recently. Before I let the ambulance take me in I tried to talk to the hospital (no names) to see if I am still covered and they gave me the run around. "Yes, you are still covered, but you must pay now or your coverage will go back to March." Huh? I was nearly hysterical with pain and she actually repeated the same words three times as I tried to get a clear answer. I know they must treat you in the ER, but I can't pay a huge bill if it comes.

I am a total wuss when it comes to pain. I already feel quite burdened psychologically by the suffering of the world. Most people I know are very depressed these days and so am I. This is one more thing I have to deal with.

But today, stuck in bed, raining outside, freezing inside, I got back to my blogs and realize I have all the time in the world to play around with the computer, because there is nothing else I CAN DO at this time. It is a great way to spend time. So you will be hearing from me more often.