Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Acceptance: Transmuting Loss to Gain

Haven't posted for awhile because I was focusing on getting ready for All Things Herbal, an herb fair and sale benefitting the Herb Exchange, in Sebastopol. Made three new products. Bottled, wrapped and sealed for days. Made clever new labels and informational sheets. Made handouts for my astrology business. Then woke up with the worst lower back pain I've had in years. Could hardly move. Was not able to go because I knew I was incapable of unloading the car and setting up my canopy and tables, or lugging all the boxes of product. Oh, was I disappointed! Hopefully those who showed up as a result of the 100 emails I sent, were at least happy with the rest of the event.
But then I realized that this disappointment was an opportunity to practice acceptance. Acceptance of what is. One of the most powerful teachings of Sufism is one referred to as "dying before death". While its meaning may be self-evident, its practice is both difficult and rewarding. In this instance, it was a letting-go of "my plan", and submitting to the reality that I could not walk, let alone "lift that bale". Although on a much smaller scale and hopefully short-lived, my temporary disability reminded me that many people every day all over the world, are faced with major changes in their lives due to sudden illness or injury. Death itself often comes suddenly and with no concern for what people may have hoped to do on a particular day.
My disappointment was followed by guilt, shame, and self-judgement that went something like this: "If you had done.... if you had not done..... you always xxxx things up..... why can't you get your xxxx together", etc. I listened for a couple minutes then realized that this was not constructive. With Saturn conjunct my Ascendant right now, self-criticism is highly available. I called a friend who had invited me to her grand-daughter's birthday earlier in the week and told her that since I was not able to do the herb fair afterall, could I come to the party.
So I went and had a delightful time. It was an interesting group of people, mostly adults since Maya is only 1 year old. She lived her first year with her paternal grand-parents in Tunisia and is becoming a tri-lingual child. Throughout the day, we spoke 5 languages (I love this) and the complete tree of Abraham was represented (I love this too).
We all got along although we sometimes did not share eachother's beliefs or opinions. And we said "why can't the world be like this?"
So a day that started out as a loss, turned out to be a gain. All because of a change in attitude. A turning point where grace allowed me to reframe my thinking.

1 comment:

Liara Covert said...

It truly feels as though you have a passion for what you do. This suggests you are exactly where you need to be right now for your own reasons. You are approaching your core self. It feels good to be true to your spirit!