Saturday, August 8, 2009

Hooked on Farmville

Just what I needed - another addiction. I have just discovered Facebook and one of its games called Farmville. I can't believe that I get up at 6:30 in the morning to plant strawberries so that I can harvest them by 10:30.

Meanwhile my real garden outside is neglected and dry. We are truly moving into a virtual reality.

I am finally able to walk and drive and in two months, the world has moved on and left me behind. I feel like an alien when I do venture forth. I actually prefer to stay home alone.

I find myself unwilling and unable to interact with people in the real world. I only want to live in the virtual world of the Internet. I read posts by others and everyone seems so positive, so up, so full of energy. Am I the only one who feels about to fall into a deep dark hole?

I love to sleep, but each night it alludes me. I have to fight off thoughts of disaster. I am broke, have lost my medical insurance and have 50 bucks to my name. No job, too old to get one and still recovering from a broken ankle. Then, of course, there is the issue of no job to be had.

I am scared. I admit it. I can't keep pretending everything is okay. It's not. When I stay focused on the present moment, I am okay although constantly in pain. Physical pain seems easier to bear than mental and emotional pain.

The only pleasure I have is playing Farmville. Pathetic. But I guess those people who design these things, know how bad off people are these days. The illusion of connection to people and Nature is more satisfying than reality.


Ruth said...

Hang in there! Pretty tough for me too, the kids and I have barely been managing on their SSI disability income (I should be eligible but they keep saying I don't have enough medical records) and a couple weeks ago I got a letter that they've screwed something up and we are no longer eligible! Not only that, they expect me to pay back over ten thousand dollars in "overpayments"! Not to mention their dad's being a jerk--life just sucks sometimes, huh?

seanymph said...

Im still stuck here too. The person remodeling my house is now in jail. He was reasonably priced and very good. Now we will have to do it all ourselves. Im just gonna do what I can and screw the rest. The house goes on the market and whatever I get I get. Its costing me thousands every month Im here and Im running out of cash. I hear ya....I feel like Im in a hole too. Told my bf we may be living in a shack, cuz the way its going its all Ill be able to afford. I just hope once we land, he can find work. Hugs and hang in there. It just has to get better!

Anonymous said...

I found this entry by coincidence (I too am addict to Farmwille) and it is a gem. Touching, well written - you have a real talent and, more importantly, something real to say.